I just cut my nipple shaving
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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