Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We left the knife in your bed.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
