Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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