Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
