somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The adults are the big ones right?
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