Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
