i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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