it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
