When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
