he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
