You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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