i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
