Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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