At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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