it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
