She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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