How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The struggles of a small town man whore
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
