never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
