u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
