I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
