I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
