I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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