Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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