I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
