I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
