i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
