I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
