You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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