Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
