Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
