Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
