porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize