I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
