Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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