i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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