THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
