Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
