I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
He is an equal opportunity slut.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize