and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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