I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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