Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
