I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
