Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Randomize
