When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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