I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
