god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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