hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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