Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
