His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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