btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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