Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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