Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
