this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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