I hate your face
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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