I want to walk on stilts...naked
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
