Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
