why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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