One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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