Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Randomize
