Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Randomize
