my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize