he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
