That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
