so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My first STD was from a foam party
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize