I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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