my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
