he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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