take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
