I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
