That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
