how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
