Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
