i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize