i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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