You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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