This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
