I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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