I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
