never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
