I feel like abortions should bother me more
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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