sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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