I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I miss vodka workout Fridays
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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