apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
