YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize