Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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