the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
