Duck Duck Cougar?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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