At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just found a bag of teeth...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
