after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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