Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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