Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
