I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
