He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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