You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
