I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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