Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
