i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
