Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
